Tag Archives: Fresh Direct

200 things you simply have to know about New York (part two)

51. Your stepsstoop is a much more civilised place from which to get rid of any old crap from your house than the back of a Ford Cortina.
52. Any city that can invent the beer milkshake is alright by me.
53. The view from the N train as you go across the Williamsburg Bridge is as good as any cityscape this country has to offer. I know it sounds strange, but that view of the Brooklyn Bridge just gets me every time.
54. Hipsters really do exist. Their level of actual hipness is only exceeded by their own opinion of themselves.
55. Everybody’s got an opinion in New York. And they’re not afraid to share it with you.
56. That’s an old lady behind you pushing you out of the way so that she can get off the train.
57. Nothing is sacred when it comes to advertising. Anything, anyone or anywhere can be used by big evil brands to get their message across. By the way, this blog entry is brought to you by Taco Bell: Thinking Outside The Bun.
58. The quality of the roads in this country is comparable to those in rural Tunisia. Except a little bumpier.
59. ‘Spicy’ is a swear word in New York restaurants.
60. Someone, somewhere in this city, is getting very very angry right now.
61. Mayor Bloomberg does not control this city. The makers of Boars Head deli meats do.
62. Well, either Boars Head or Chase Bank.
63. Given the number of manicure and pedicure salons in the city, I’m forced to the reluctant conclusion that the average New York hand has at least seven fingers.
64. There’s no shortage of parking in the city, but it’d still be cheaper to park outside Philadelphia and get a taxi back.
65. There must be a world surplus of cream cheese. It’s the only explanation for why delis put so much of the damn stuff on every single bagel.
66. People actually speak to their neighbours here. I didn’t know what the word neighbour meant until I got here.
67. That said, ‘nabe’ as a word is an assault on the soul of the English language.
68. Did I miss a meeting that declared frozen yoghurt one of the five essential foodstuffs?
69. The best day of my life took place in this city.
70. I’m not counting Manchester United’s two most recent European Cup victories in the above, obviously.
71. Hell hath no fury like a Brooklyn resident having a big apartment building built just down the road from their lovely brownstone.
72. If every deli in New York were placed alongside the next, they’d reach from here to Salt Lake City. Or somewhere else quite a long way away.
73. If you want to a scary night out, don’t bother with a trip to the latest slasher movie. Just attend a class play at your local elementary school and watch the parents.
74. Million dollar fines are issued to any New York radio station playing any more than 20 different records in one day.
75. New York apartments are like the everyday living version of attempting to fit 22 people in a Mini. Never in the field of human contact were so many squeezed into so little for so much cash.
76. Jars of sweetscandies seem to feature on everybody’s desks. Did I mention that New York has a collective sweet tooth?
77. Spontaneous combustion has been known to occur in documented cases where a member of the public has managed to find one of the three square yards in the city where a Starbucks cannot be seen in any direction.
78. Should Duane Reade go out of business tomorrow, the resultant collapse in the commercial property market in New York as approximately 67,000 locations instantly went on the market could make the subprime market look like a schoolkid losing their pocket moneyallowance.
79. There’s a truly astonishing sense of community in this city. Even if it’s generally rallied in order to prevent a bar from selling alcohol within an 83 block radius of a school.
80. There really is a hell of a lot less crime here than you’d think given the size of the city.
81. You can always guarantee that the only time you’ll actually see a crime taking place is while you’re showing around a nervous friend or family member who is convinced they’re going to die in New York.
82. On a hot day in June, with a pleasant breeze taking the edge off the sun, there can sometimes feel like there’s no greater place on earth.
83. The amount of time for needed for an outsider to make themselves understood to a native will always be in direct inverse proportion to the amount of time you have.
84. The sudden need for a taxi always rises about five minutes after the 4pm changeover has caused all bar three taxis to turn their lights onto ‘off duty’.
85. Recycling is particularly effective in this city. If London wants to play catch-up, all they need to do is place a 5p deposit on all cans and plastic bottles, and let homeless people do the rest.
86. Fresh Direct is heaven sent – imagine Ocado, but without all the Waitrose stores to make you feel guilty that you’ve had your groceries delivered rather than walking the eighteen yards down the road to get them. Admittedly Fresh Direct’s sixteen yards of foam wrap may be overkill for two bananas.
87. There are maybe only three public toilets in the whole of New York City. And I can’t find two of them.
88. New York is the undisputed cupcake capital of the world. New Yorkers didn’t even know that they liked cupcakes until these shops started appearing randomly on their streets.
89. Brooklyn is the new Manhattan. Queens is the new Brooklyn. The Bronx is the Bronx. And Staten Island is a funny little place that’s difficult to get to.
90. If you can make it here, you can apparently make it anywhere.
91. They’ll hold a parade for anything in this city. 60 years of Israel? Let’s have a parade. Releasing a Disney film? Time for a parade!! A new line of toothpaste now available at Rite Aid? Parade!!!
92. For all its urban sprawl, New York has some of the most impressive parkland of any city I’ve ever been to. Even if the Brooklyn Botanic Garden is a poor man’s Kew Gardens.
93. If I hear “Ladies and gentlemen, we are delayed because of train traffic ahead of us” one more time, I swear I will not be held responsible for my actions.
94. In Britain, your inducement to give blood is a biscuit. In New York, it’s Mets tickets.
95. World hunger could be solved if all the cinema snacks in New York were packaged up and airdropped in major poverty-stricken areas. Obviously dentists and industrial quantities of floss would also be required.
96. The phrase ‘thank you’ was abolished under the state 1883 Politeness Reduction Act
97. People, bacon doesn’t belong with waffles.
98. Strangers have no issue with starting up a conversation with you. Very disconcerting at first. Particularly for the British, who have to run a full background check on any newcomer before engaging in even a stolen glance with an outsider.
99. Salad is not drowned not dressed
100. By my reckoning, Christmas decorations should be appearing around the city in approximately 34 days.