I’ve finally made it to a whole year out of water. That’s 365* days of living with The Special One, 365 days of working in the United States, and 365 days of thinking “blimey, what just happened to me?!”
So, other than 365 days, what other 365s has the last year held for me?
365 times that I’ve wanted to have an everything bagel for breakfast. I have only given in on 207 of those occasions.
365 pushes and shoves against me on the subway. That’s approximately 1.83 shoves per journey.
365 times when I’ve been forced to ponder why the UK doesn’t have an all-encompassing commitment to the hot dog too.
365 inadvertent steps into dubious standing water.
365 wrong turns by taxi drivers with only a passing knowledge of the streets of the city.
365 sightings of the Empire State Building which have prompted an internal response of “crikey, that’s the Empire State Building.”
365 times I’ve been grateful for a summer that lasts more than 365 minutes.
365 passers-by who have stared at me for not wearing a coat in March.
365 occasions on which I’ve cursed the fact that you have to pay a fee to use an ATM that’s not one of your own bank’s. As well as a fee to your own bank for the privilege.
365 minutes in total sat listening to assorted weirdoes espouse their sanctimonious claptrap on the subway.
365 times I’ve struggled to remember which one’s a nickel and which one’s a dime.
365 times I’ve emerged from a subway station and stood on the street corner for ten minutes trying to work out whether I’m facing north or south.
365 people who’ve attempted to imitate my English accent with a passable impression of Dick van Dyke.
365 occasions on which I’ve used a swear word in the workplace (and 364 on which I’ve been rebuked for it).
365 moments when I’ve thought “I’m sure I’ve seen this in a movie.”
365 times that I’ve had to apologi
sze for alleged anti-American sentiments.
Thanks for keeping me company over the last year, and to all those who have tipped off friends, colleagues and readers about the blog. I’m 365 times more grateful than I can ever tell you.
* If anybody even thinks about saying it’s a leap year and that I’ve been out of water for 366 days, there’s going to be trouble.