Help me if you can
I was back in the commuting saddle today, scuttling into the city with the rest of the ants. After a week in the sun, I don’t mind admitting that the experience was particularly painful. Almost as painful as a torturous opening sentence that mixes metaphors containing horses and insects, I’d imagine. I’ll get the hang [...]
Don’t stop me now
It’s good to be back in New York, although the sweltering heat and humid atmosphere means that I have as much desire to be outside as an agoraphobic slug who has been told that the only way for him to get back inside his garden shed is to slither through an industrial-size outdoor salt store.
The [...]
Keeping your distance
Back in my rock’n’roll days (now such a distant memory that they appear to be in black and white with no sound), I spent far too much time at aftershow parties for bands I didn’t like, with my good friend Mr MacBottom (don’t ask). One exception though was a post-gig party for Mansun, the band [...]
Speed bumps
Everything goes so fast in New York. An official city decree in 1967 removed three seconds from every New York minute, meaning that the pace of life is actually 5% quicker than anywhere else in the world (and around 500% quicker than Newark Airport in New Jersey, where every minute spent feels like an eternity). [...]
A very British sense of humo(u)r
Crime isn’t funny, I know. But a New York Police Department sign which I saw in a yellow cab on my way home this evening made me laugh out loud. The sign read:
“Reward up to $500.00 for the arrest and conviction of anyone who commits GRAFFITI VANDALISM”
And scrawled underneath that in neat ballpoint penned handwriting?
“Bite [...]
Cross crossing
This Brit Out Of Water almost became Brit Out Of Water (Deceased) at lunchtime, on an abortive trip to find a new washbag. It would hardly have been the most rock’n’roll way to go out, let’s face it. Some people die in a blazing gun battle, others perish saving the life of others – my [...]
Taking it personally
I’ve never really understood the appeal of personaliszed car registrations, or vanity plates as I apparently have to call them over here. In the UK, for a start, the rules are so restrictive as to make most of the combinations ridiculously contorted. I can’t particularly understand why anybody would actually want to use their license [...]
