I was never a big fan of my name when I was a kid. After all, most people had normal names like Phil and Simon, and standing out from the crowd is the last thing you want when you’re an awkward ten year old who wants nothing more from life than an Eagle Eyes Action ManGI Joe.
Then when I got to big school, there were two other people with the same name as me. I’d never even met one person called Dylan, let alone expected to find a couple of them in a class of 30. It turned out that by that point everyone in Britain was naming their kids Dylan (probably thanks to Luke Perry and Beverly Hills 90210), and it’s consistently been in the top 50 names for British-born boys ever since.
I regularly lambast She Who Was Born To Worry about the new found commonness of my name, although she blames Brit Out Of Water Sr.
Reading the press recently, it seems I should count myself lucky. A court in New Zealand has decided that a child had been given a ’social disability’ when her parents named her Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. Apparently Number 16 Bus Shelter, Midnight Chardonnay and Violence are acceptable names, making the same court’s decision to refuse to accept Sex Fruit, Keenan Got Lucy and Yeah Detroit seem relatively strange.
Anyway, the point is that a person’s name plays a vital part in establishing the first impression that you have of them. And parents would do well to take that into consideration when naming their child.
Walking to work this morning, I passed a group of young kids on a trip to some unknown location. It was a picture of idyllic bliss, with each pair of children holding hands with a teacher or parent, and sporting rather natty self-designed name tags around their necks. I’m still getting used to the subtle differences between British and American names, but there seemed to be the usual selection of Kimberley’s, Ricardo’s, Amber’s and Zachary’s, as well as the occasional Jamarion or Amya.
And then, there at the front, holding hands alone with a single teacher, was little Messiah.
Talk about setting up your child for a fall. Or for a particularly lofty career as an award winning (but tortured) actor. Either way, it can’t be easy at school for the poor little kid.
My one comforting hope is that whenever his mother is cross with him, and his proud dad intervenes to ask what Messiah has done, she turns around angrily and shouts “He’s not Messiah, he’s a very naughty boy.”
6:11 pm
Dylan - I am going to the Hollywood Bowl on Saturday evening, with my family and some friends, to celebrate my 55th birthday at the Eric Idle “Not The Messiah (He’s a Very Naughty Boy) ” concert !
Could the unfortunate child you referenced perhaps have been so named as a result of it taking *two* tries to conceive him ? (I’d spell it out some more, but this is a family blog, right ?)
7:59 pm
Well you can see what my name is, there were 5 others in my year, one of which had the exact same surname!! I was forever known as Karen R.
My dad had a thing for Karen Carpenter apparently.
Messiah… I think any name that bestows any quality you can never foresee in a child, is pretty mean, e.g: patience, faith, sex fruit?
I’m all for originality, but come on people!!
10:43 pm
Hi Angel, congrats -1000-is a big number and its not even a year out of water. britoutofwater would never say it but he’s been written up in daily papers here and even in travel mags. you are a great writer angel and i promise we won’t name our kids Messiah. Although, Jesus, Lord of our Savior always struck me as nice..i am from the south after all…xo-The Special One
2:28 pm
Try growing up in the north east of England with Antonia as your name. It didn’t help that it was then shortened to Toni either. I got my head kicked in on a regular basis either for being ‘posh’ (yeah right) or having a boy’s name. Don’t get me started - I can’t afford the therapy.
Interestingly, I named my 13 year old Aidan, at a time when they didn’t even know how to spell it at the hospital. I think it has been the number one boys’ name in the US for the last 5 years thanks to Sex and the City. Grrr!
9:26 pm
My name is Star, and I am in my 50’s. When I was young little girls were named Debbie & Pam. SO I know all about the name game. Somehow I survived.
5:03 am
(aka sister of Brit Out Of Water) You should count yourself lucky Dylan that She Who is Born to Worry (or mum as i like to call her) gave you a name that people can actually pronounce on meeting you for the first time !! Although looking on the internet has shown that Derrian seems to be quite a popular name for boys in America ?!?! pls confirm…
6:31 pm
Yes, all the young boys named Jesus, Ali, Krishna & Mohammad have quite the ladder to climb. Even those of an economic status in which a name doesn’t necessarily hinder one… Zowie Bowie (now Duncan Jones) & Moon Unit Zappa (who droped Unit)… have altered their names. Is it in an attempt to be more serious? Less of a burden? An effort to not have to offer explaination to every person they meet? Wonder what will happen to this new crop of celebrity kids… surely Heavenly Hiranni Tiger Lily Hutchence Geldoff, Apple Blythe Allison Paltrow Martin & her brother Moses, Fifi Trixibell Geldoff (dad’s on a bloody roll), Aurelius Cy Busson (Elle Macpherson’s offspring) & Bluebell Madonna (Geri-Spice’s kid) will at the very least, adopt nicknames, once the children at recess begin incessant teasing. Even round-about spellings can bring a life of annoyance to a kid named Cha-Von, Shavaughnne or Shavonn. Shouldn’t parents be making their kid’s lives easier? What are they thinking? Thanks for the story. Nice writing… Vikka, yep, Vikka
12:29 pm
Almost a year of comments, and The Special One saves her debut appearance for the 1000th comment!
Alasdair - congratulations on your 55th! Am glad that the reference was understood - I almost laughed at my own joke, but was worried no one else would!
Karen - I almost said that I would have killed for a name like yours in my earliet days at school, but thinking more carefully about it, I don’t think being called Karen would have helped me all that much, would it?!
Expatmum - welcome back! Antonia IS a bit posh though, isn’t it?!
Sarcasmom - Star is pretty out there for somebody in their 50s…I’m impressed! What made your parents go for that?
Sis - I have to say that I’ve never met or indeed heard of another Derrian, male or female. You’l just have to accept that you’re special! Oh, and if anybody can think of a blog name for my sister, do let me know…she’s been complaining that she doesn’t get her own credit!
And vikka - thanks for stopping by. Please tell me it’s true that Zowie is now called Duncan Jones…I think that fact made my weekend!
1:39 pm
Oh my, the things that this post reminds me of. So many names that I can think of that are oh so inappropriate for a poor child to bear.
I was a product of the ultimate hippy mum in New York in the mid 70’s, if it weren’t for my father putting his foot down, I’d be known as….
KARMA
…I can only imagine the years of therapy I’d be needing now….
7:03 pm
I always assumed Dylan was a pseudonym! To me Dylan brings to mind the (permanently stoned?) rabbit from The Magic Roundabout.
2:52 pm
Oh sorry Dylan, it’s stoned rabbits for me too! Although it has to be said that some of the most ruggedly handsome men are Dylans too. The utterly cheeky and charming Mr. McDermott springs to mind (boing) sorry wrong character
Anyway just wanted to drop in and say hello and Hiya. I have just found your blog and love it. I am always on the look out for other Brits on the continent. Gives me a vague feeling of camaraderie. Odd I know. Have a good one!
Ange
7:03 pm
The Magic Roundabout !
Now *that* takes me back, alright !
(reminiscent grin)