So another month is over, and after more than two and a half months in the land of the brave, it’s probably as good a point as any to look back at some more of the things that I have learned since becoming a Brit Out Of Water:
• If you have an unrepentantly British accent, it’s near impossible to go into a restaurant and come out two hours later without having been given a look which suggests you’ve accidentally brought in a basket of rotting rat carcasses with you. Even tonight at a down-to-earth neighbo
urhood Italian restaurant, my polite request for a side order of broccoli was met with a glance that suggested I had spat on his grandmother.
• Wine is more expensive than gold. Unless you’re happy drinking what tastes like grape juice with added grain alcohol.
• The word ‘piece’ is almost certainly the eighteenth most popular word in the American vocabulary (more popular than ‘truth’ but less used than ‘ammunition’) eg “Did you see Heather Mills on TV? The piece that I don’t understand with her is what Paul McCartney ever saw in the mentally unstable self-obsessed attention junkie?” or “Only using Facebook at night – that’s the piece I’m working on right now”.
• Pizza companies will happily deliver 23 eighteen inch pizzas to a wedding venue at 11pm, even if they haven’t been paid in advance.
• Accidental blasphemy, of even the ‘bejeesus’ variety, can go down like a cup of cold sick if you happen to be standing next to a card-carrying member of some right wing religious institution.
• Taxi drivers in New York possess more belligerence than a London police officer in Stockwell tube station. Having asked a cab driver to take me to Brooklyn on Tuesday night, the cheery soul subsequently berated me for actually wanting to go to Brooklyn Heights, and spent much of the journey calling all his friends and relating the story to them in Lebanese. It’s like getting in a cab in London and asking to go to Putney, and then being criticised for actually wanting to go to Putney Bridge.
• Having a rehearsal dinner for the wedding party on the night before a wedding is a tradition that the British should adopt.
• In America, black humour is something performed by Chris Rock or Eddie Murphy.
With well over 2000 page impressions since I began the blog, this site is hardly going to be valued at $15 billion by Microsoft, but it does keep me mildly occupied so thank you for reading and for continuing to read. As ever, pass on the link to anyone you think might be even half-interested in the tales of an outsider in New York. And feel free to comment on any post, even if it’s just to tell me to “like, get over it”…
I’m off to watch some cable TV. With 1867 channels to choose from, “CSI: Miami” has got to be on one of them, surely?